Touched
by LauraL

She had an affinity for troubled young men with soulful eyes that held her perfectly still. She felt a connection with them. When Alexis looked at Zander Smith, she was looking at her brother. She understood this about herself and didn't try to make excuses. She wasn't just helping him because Emily asked her to, and because she had an obligation as an attorney. She was pleading Zander's case because every time he thanked her, every time he asked why she stood by him, it was her brother's voice that she heard.

"So we go to court in three days?" Zander asked, holding up three fingers and staring at them as though the concept was impossible to grasp. He looked to Alexis, waited for her to nod. He snapped his fingers and said, "Ms. Davis? Are you still with me?"

Alexis turned to face him, startled. She nodded and brushed loose strands of hair behind her ears. "Three days, yes. Are you ready?"

"Are you?"

She sat down across from him, leaning over the table. Her voice was low and soothing. "I'm always ready. But that doesn't matter if you're not, Zander." Alexis held her hands over his, letting the pads of her fingers stroke the skin that was red and irritated from the metal cuffs. She smiled and said, "No amount of trust in me as your lawyer is going to do you an ounce of good if you can't trust yourself."

"What do you mean?" Zander asked, shifting in his chair.

"If you don't have faith in yourself, the judge and the jury will see that. You tell me you are innocent, but you don't seem to believe it. I'm your voice in that courtroom, but it's your eyes the jury is going to look into."

Zander nodding slowly, absorbing her words. He met her gaze and said, "I am innocent."

"I know." Alexis smiled. She squeezed his hand inside of hers before pulling away, leaning back in her chair. She released a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Are you tired?" Zander asked, feeling guilty for keeping her around so much. He couldn't stand being locked away all day, staring at solid gray walls and steel bars. The only voices he heard were those of the guards or the other prisoners. He could hear Emily's voice in his head but it wasn't enough. He liked having Alexis around, and he always felt like a human being and not a criminal when he was with her. Zander would ask her to tell him stories about the Quatermaine family, her life in Greece and what he could do when he is found innocent. He was amazed that her mother was an opera singer, and he wondered why Alexis' eyes glazed over with tears every time she mentioned that?

After a long pause, Alexis sat up and smiled. She swallowed a yawn and said, "Tired? Me? That never happens."

Zander laughed, shaking his head. "You don't have to sit here with me. We don't really have anything left to go over, you know."

She nodded and shrugged. "Yes, I know." Alexis glanced at her watch and told him, "I don't have anywhere to be for a few more hours."

"Well, then," Zander said, drawing out each word as he thought. "You've told me about your job. You've told me about Greece and New York and Paris. There's one thing you never did tell me, Ms. Davis."

"What's that?"

He folded his arms over the table, leaning closer to her. "Why are you helping me? Why do you sneak cookies to me and try to find jobs for me when I'm outta here?"

Alexis looked away from his face, casting her eyes at the table. She rubbed the bridge of her nose and felt the familiar ache in her chest whenever she thought of her brother, the knot in her chest that kept her from breathing or feeling anything but the loss of his life. She took a deep breath and looked up, her eyes glistening with moisture. "A long time ago," she told Zander, her words trembling, "someone helped me when no one else would. It sounds corny, I know."

"Corny? Nah," Zander assured her. "It makes sense. Were you in trouble?"

She shrugged a shoulder. Alexis crossed one leg over the other, sitting more comfortably in her chair. "You could make a case for that," she told him, nodding. "I was just a small child. I had no one, no one that wanted me anyway. My brother snuck cookies into my room when no one else would let me have them, and when I needed a future to look forward to, he helped me find one. He always believed in me. He's gone now, and sitting here with you... helping people... it's a way for me to stay close to him."

Zander blinked his eyes. He released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Wow," he sighed. "You were lucky to have him. What happened to him?"

"If I tell you, you might want to reconsider knowing me at all," Alexis said, thinking about the fate that befalls anyone with connections to the Cassadine family. "We had a lot of wonderful years together, and some not so great ones. But..." She stopped, holding a finger to her lips. She was going to tell Zander that she would give anything to be able to touch him again, to feel his hands sweeping through the thick layers of her hair or to be able to rest her cheek against his shoulder. But she didn't want to cry, and she didn't want him to see her so weak.

"I didn't mean to make you upset," he apologized.

Alexis shook her head. "What? Oh, it's not your fault," she said, pressing her fingers to the corners of her eyes, absorbing the moisture that threatened to spill down her cheeks. She opened her mouth to speak when her cellular phone rang, the sound muffled inside her purse. "Hold on one second." She dug through her bag for the phone, flipped it open and held it to her ear. "Alexis Davis."

"Alexis? It's Alan Quatermaine."

She sat up, suddenly wide awake. "Alan? What's going on?" He was waiting too long to respond, and Alexis had to stand up and pace.

"It's Nikolas. He's hurt."

"Hurt? What happened to him?" Alexis began shouting into the phone, gripping the edge of the table until her knuckles turned white.

Alan's voice was ragged. "I'm not sure, Alexis. Can you get here as soon-"

She cut him off, stuffing the phone inside her purse. Alexis looked at Zander and shook her head, her lips trembling. She trailed a few fingers through her hair, tugging at the strands in frustration.

He stood up, but he couldn't move very far. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know yet." Alexis held a hand over his shoulder. She stuttered and finally said, "I need to go. Something's happened to Nikolas." She turned quickly to the door and began pounding against it until the guard turned the knob. Alexis pulled at the door, rushing into the hallway. She brushed past Dara, whom she was supposed to confer with after talking to Zander. She couldn't stop, couldn't take a moment to breathe. She couldn't lose Nikolas, or let him be alone a moment longer.

~*~

The car's wheels weren't rolling across the street fast enough. Stefan crossed one leg over the other, nervously kicking the seat in front of him. He yelled at the driver to go faster, even though no one else was going to hear his pleas. He was staring at the glass between him and the driver, sitting alone. He suddenly realized that to the rest of the world, Stefan Cassadine was dead. Long gone.

He had been so caught up in getting to Port Charles and making sure Nikolas was okay after Chloe saw him arguing with Helena day after day, and he knew something was going to happen. Stefan didn't bother to ponder how the world would react to seeing him. How was he going to explain himself? Should he remain a shadow, simply looking and not feeling? Not touching anyone. Being on the outside as he had been most of his life.

~*~

Her heels clicked against the floor, so loud that Alan rushed out of the exam room in time to greet her. "Alexis," he called out, grabbing her by the shoulders before she could break past him. "Calm down for a minute."

"Calm down? I can't calm down! I need to know what's going on!"

Alan nodded, steering her out of the middle of the hallway. "An anonymous call was placed and paramedics found Nikolas' body in the water near the docks."

Alexis gasped, a coarse cry escaping her lips. She brushed past Alan, the side of her body colliding with his. She ran, looking from side to side, until she found his room. She pushed through the door as quietly as she could. Alexis stood above the bed, hands covering her mouth. Her eyes darted back and forth, from Nikolas' perfectly still body to the machines beeping steadily around him. She watched the green lines jump on the screens. Everything seemed normal, and she relaxed slightly at that thought.

She stood at the foot of the bed, her palms flat against the mattress. Alexis smoothed the creases in the white sheet covering his legs. She took a deep breath and slowly circled around the bed until she was at his side. Alexis took hold of his hand, lifting it from his stomach, and squeezed it inside hers. She bent down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. She smoothed a hand through his hair, wanting to touch him and feel his heart and his warmth; all the signs of life.

Alan stood at the doorway and cleared his throat. He stepped inside when she turned and acknowledged him. "Alexis, he's doing just fine," he told her.

"What happened?"

"Like I said, the paramedics found his body in the water by the docks. He was unconscious. We were able to determine that Nikolas suffered a head injury, most likely he fell. He lost a lot of oxygen but he did not suffer any brain damage. He's very weak right now, and we have him on oxygen."

Alexis nodded, taking it all in. She glanced back at Nikolas and asked, "But he's going to recover?"

"Yes. He will make a full recovery."

She let out a long sigh, tears spilling down her cheeks. Alexis wiped at her face and said, "Thank you, Alan. Thank you so much."

"Of course." He turned to leave, stopping outside the door. "Alexis... would you like me to call Ned for you?"

It surprised Alexis that it took her so long to answer. "Uh," she stumbled over her words, "no thank you, Alan. I'll give him a call in a little while. Right now I just want to be alone with my nephew."

He nodded and smiled. "Just call if you need anything."

Alexis waited until the door sealed shut. She searched the dark room for a chair, pulling it across the floor. She positioned the chair at the edge of the bed, close enough that she could rest her elbows on the mattress and hear his breath, air pumping into his lungs through tubes. She wasn't content to simply look at him. Alexis wanted Nikolas to open his eyes, to tell her what happened and who hurt him.

She smiled to herself, a memory suddenly alive in her mind. Alexis could remember being a small child, small enough to slip out of the servants' house and into the main house before it was even light outside. She would creep into Stefan's bedroom and stand beside his bed, staring at him and hoping he would wake. When he didn't, she would blow air onto his face, stomp her foot or tug at the sheets until he stirred from his sleep.

"Nikolas," she sighed his name, marvelling at how beautiful it felt rolling off her tongue. She hated herself for not being there as he grew up. He was a toddler when she met him for the first time, although his photographs had been all over her apartment in New York. She had been nervous about breaking him, holding him too hard against her chest, or being too much of a stranger to even be allowed to touch him. But the moment he saw her, Nikolas waddled into Alexis' arms and she was amazed at what a perfect fit it was.

She took his hand inside hers. Alexis smoothed her finger over the ring he wore, the Cassadine crest rough against her skin. He had started to wear it again after Stefan's death. She felt terrible for Nikolas, struggling with a desire to rid himself of his family's violent legacy and yet wanting to keep his uncle's spirit alive. She bent down and kissed the tender, bronzed skin covering his knuckles. Alexis made a promise to herself, and to him. "I love you," she whispered. "We've been given so many chances to be a family. I'm not going to let this one slip away."

Alexis maneuvered on the chair until she was closer to the bed. She bent at the waist, folding her arms over the mattress and resting her head against her hands. She was careful not to pull at any of the tubes. She let exhaustion consume her, and her breath began to match the rhythmic sound of Nikolas'.

~*~

Ned wandered into the hospital room whistling and taking long, wide steps. He stopped suddenly when he found her draped over the edge of the bed, her hand resting over Nikolas'. He smiled and eased the door shut. He placed a box of chocolates on a small table near the door and walked quietly toward the bed.

Winding his hand inside her hair, Ned bent down and pressed a kiss to Alexis' neck. She shivered and sat up, startled. She squared her eyes at Ned, stopping herself just before she snapped at him. "Ned," she sighed. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Alan called me a little while ago," he told her, puzzled. "Why didn't you call me? Tell me something had happened?"

She shrugged and rubbed her eyes. Alexis glanced at Nikolas to make sure he was okay and then stood up. She walked past Ned, pacing the room in circles. She kept her voice low and said, "I'm sorry. I was so worried and all I could think about was Nikolas. I was fine here with him. I didn't want to bother you."

Ned reached toward her, folding his arms across his chest when Alexis turned away. "Bother me? You wouldn't have been bothering me, Alexis."

"Like I said, I was fine. I just needed to be with my family. Nikolas is my family."

"I know," Ned nodded. "So am I. We're going to be a family soon, too. All of us," he said, nodding toward Nikolas.

Alexis had never considered what marriage to Ned meant in regards to Nikolas. She suddenly couldn't imagine the two of them joining the Quatermaines for a breakfast buffet and mind numbing arguments. She couldn't imagine Nikolas opening the door at Wyndemere to Monica and Alan for an evening of porte and baklava.

When she didn't respond after a long moment, Ned cleared his throat and said, "Speaking of family and marriage..." He reached into his pocket, unfolding a slip of paper. "This is the number for that church we passed on Lincoln Street the other day. I thought maybe we could call this afternoon."

"Ned!" She rolled her eyes. "I can't think about that right now. My nephew almost drowned last night, and there is no doubt in my mind that someone pushed him into the water. I need to be with him! I need to find out who tried to take his life. I can't think about churches and flowers and," she stopped, noticing the box of candy he had brought, "chocolate! I can't think about that right now."

He put his hands up defensively. "Okay. Alright. I'm sorry."

"Can you just... maybe you should just..."

"Leave?" Ned finished her thoughts. "Yeah, sure. If you don't need me I'll just leave." He grabbed the box from the table, roughly tucking it under his arm. He kicked the door open and stomped into the hallway, never stopping even as he heard Alexis following after him.

She stood in the middle of the hall, hands at her hips. She opened her mouth but the only sound she made was a deep, stifled grunt. Alexis watched him walk away until his image became smaller and smaller, and was gone. She sighed and held her head in her hands, unable to decipher what had just happened. All she knew was that it felt right being with Nikolas when he needed her, and that to her, Ned felt out of place.

Alexis glanced into Nikolas' room, and when she was positive that nothing had changed, she continued walking down the hall. She stepped into the elevator and studied the control panel. Her finger wandered to the button that would take her to the lobby, where Ned was probably still standing at the doors. But she quickly pressed the button that would take her to the cafeteria, where she could grab a cup of coffee and get back to Nikolas before anyone noticed she was gone.

~*~

Touched
You say that I am too
So much of what you say is true
I'll never find someone quite like you again

She held her fingers around the rim of the paper cup, the hot coffee scorching her skin. Tucked beneath her arm was a newspaper, a pillow and a jigsaw puzzle she purchased from the gift shop. It was something she would never even open, but just having it sit there was enough. Alexis needed to at least feel like she was attempting to do something other than think about Nikolas, mourn for her brother and ignore the guilt over bruising Ned's feelings.

Alexis nudged the door to Nikolas' room with her hip. She looked up and froze. Her breath caught in her throat. She had to shut her eyes and then quickly open them, making sure she wasn't asleep or seeing things in her hazy state. But there he was, her dead brother, sitting at the edge of Nikolas' bed. Hands folded, head bowed.

The cup slipped out of her fingers, crashing to the floor. The hot liquid swam on the ground and pooled at her feet. The newspaper, blanket and box dropped to the ground, pieces of the puzzle spilling out of the box. Alexis held a hand over her stomach. She tried to say his name, but all she could do was stare with wide, mist covered eyes.

Stefan couldn't turn around. He had felt her presence before she was even in the room, but he still wasn't prepared to see her. He stood up and slowly spun on the heels of his shoes to face her. "Alexis."

She could feel the warm coffee swirling around her feet, soaking against her shoes. Alexis felt the need to bend over and clean the mess she had created. It wasn't the first time she had walked into a room and found her brother waiting for her, whispering her name into the air. A sound that only she could hear. A vision that was only for her eyes. But this time it was different, and the only thing Alexis could really feel was the overwhelming need to hold him. To crush him against her chest, feeling his breath on her neck and his heart beating against hers.

Alexis' feet splashed over the puddle of coffee and kicked aside the puzzle pieces. She leapt into Stefan's arms, releasing a ragged breath as she felt his arms circle around her waist. His fingers pressed into her back so hard that her skin was bruised. She cried against his shoulder, hysterical and overjoyed all at once.

Stefan closed his eyes. He turned his neck, pressing his face into the soft hair that hung over her shoulder. He took a deep breath and inhaled the scent he remembered so well, the fragrance that always permeated the air around him. No matter where he was and how much distance was between them. He found that he couldn't quite hold her tight enough, and that no matter how little space existed between them, it was still too much.

She tried to find her voice, but Alexis was only capable of crying at that moment. She could only gasp for breath. She could only let her fingertips graze the warm skin of his neck and sift through his thick hair. Finally, as the tightness in her chest ebbed, Alexis spoke. Her voice was rough, caught inside her throat. "Oh, God," she cried out, murmuring words that neither of them understood.

"Shh," he whispered into her ear, trying to soothe her and failing. Stefan didn't want to pull away anymore than she did, but he had to look into her eyes. He moved his arms from around her waist to her shoulders, and then framed her face inside his hands. Her warm tears soaked into his palm. He stroked her lips and her rosy cheeks with the pads of his fingers. "I've missed you."

She was looking into his eyes, glazed with moisture and gleaming in the darkness, but Alexis couldn't believe that he was real. She nodded and licked her lips and tears spilled over her mouth. She moved her hands to grip his shoulders, kneading him through the soft material of his suit jacket. In her visions, he had always been wearing a white T-shirt, or something in taupe. Cloaked in pale tones and bronzed by the sun, traces of sand caught in his hair. She shook her head and said, "You're not real." She closed her eyes. "I want you to be real."

"I am," he told her, his own tears pouring in thick drops down his cheeks.

"No. You're dead," she choked out the words, pulling out of his grasp. Alexis covered her face with her hands.

Stefan held a hand to his stomach, nauseous with guilt and fear. He moved closer to her. "I am real, Alexis. I am right here." He knew that it was impossible for her to believe. He reached for her hands, prying them away from her face. His fingers wrapped around her wrists, he told her, "I'm not a ghost. All you have to do is touch me."

Alexis did not resist as Stefan brought her hands closer to him, pressing her palms to his cheeks. He let go of her, arms at his sides. A shallow cry escaped her lips and she found the strength to smile. She relaxed a bit, found it easier to breathe. Alexis brushed her fingers through his hair and lightly touched his cheeks, the bridge of his nose and the coarse hairs that covered his chin. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, needing to feel his breath. She smoothed her lips to each cheek, smothering his face with kisses. She pulled away enough to catch his eyes and asked, "How is it possible? Everyone was so sure you were dead. I didn't want to believe, but it was so hard, Stefan. I'm so sorry. I never should have-"

He pressed a finger to her lips, shaking his head. "It's okay, Alexis. You had no reason to believe I was alive."

"But I did!" Alexis pleaded with him. "I felt you. I knew you were alive, but no one else would let me believe that."

He wrapped a hand around the back of her neck, pulling her close enough to press a firm kiss to her forehead. "Do not burden yourself with unnecessary guilt. There was nothing you could do. But I'm here now."

"And you won't leave again?" Alexis asked in a voice that instantly took them back to their childhood; five and ten years old, lost inside the city, clinging to each other and begging to never be separated again.

Stefan smiled and nodded. He wanted to savor the simplicity of the moment, because he knew that it would only be a matter of time before everything was difficult. Impossible. He pulled her into a tight embrace, rocking gently from side to side.

Alexis had always been practical and relied on logic far too much. She was more than happy to have Stefan in her arms, but there was something between them. There was a barrier that wasn't allowing her to completely invest in his presence. She rest her cheek to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. She thought about Chloe's vision, Luke's trial and all of the encounters with Helena. "How?" she asked, such a simple question. "Where have you been?" She started to slowly pull away, her hands lingering against his chest until their contact was completely broken. "What happened to you? Did Helena do something? Does she know you're alive?"

He heard explanations and excuses in his head, but Stefan could not bring himself to speak them. All he could do was look at her and pray that she could understand. "Alexis," he whispered her name, a breath rasping across his dry lips.

Her eyes widened, on fire with a sudden realization. Alexis thought it was impossible, that it should be impossible, for someone to feel such utter happiness and total devastation all at once. She was trying not to let her mind grasp at her doubts, but it was hard. She wanted to just hold him and celebrate his life, but her eyes kept drifting to the young man in the bed at the corner of the room. The young man who spent endless nights crying over the loss of the only father he ever knew. And she was thinking about Luke on trial, the number of people that episode affected. "You're alive," she spoke softly, almost to herself.

He nodded. "Yes."

"How? Tell me what happened to you, Stefan?" His silence was the only answer she needed. Something passed between them, a flash in their eyes. It was the kind of silent understanding that only they could feel and share. It was the familiar sense of betrayal, the kind of pain and disloyalty that was unique to their relationship. It was such an unusual feeling. Such a rare occurrence. But in the past few years, it had become an all too familiar feeling and it was too strong for Alexis to ignore. She hated for their happiness to be over so quickly and wanted to try and pretend that everything was fine.

"Alexis?"

She looked at him, a glare that startled him. "You should leave," she told him sadly, her voice almost a whimper.

"What?"

Alexis moved to the door. She opened it, nodding to the hallway. "You shouldn't be here when Nikolas wakes up. If he sees you, it could be too much, Stefan."

"He needs me," he told her, clenching his hands into fists. He walked toward her. "He needs to know that I'm here for him."

"It will be too much for him to handle right now," Alexis said, trying to remain calm. "Just stay out of the room. I'll talk to him when he wakes up. I'll be here."

Stefan nodded once. He turned to face the hall, standing under the doorway. He froze and his breath caught in his throat when he felt Alexis' arms wind around his waist, her body pressed to his back. She squeezed him tightly for a long moment and then let go, slowly closing the door between them. He turned to face her, to gaze at her through the small glass window on the door. She smiled, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes, and looked away from him.

~*~

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