She hated herself for not being with him. She could feel that Stefan was still in the hospital, lingering in the shadows so that he could not be seen. Alexis hated that he was within her reach and she wasn't allowing herself to touch him, that she was passing up the opportunity to hold him. To tell him how much he means to her. But every time she looked at Nikolas or thought about the past few months of their lives, she couldn't be so forgiving. She couldn't be so blind.

It was something he taught her, and the irony did not escape Alexis. Stefan had always made sure Alexis understood the importance of loyalty and honesty. He had committed the worst sin of all. Not only did he lead her and Nikolas to believe he was dead, but Stefan acted against his own code of morals. His own system of loyalty and honesty. She couldn't understand what would make Stefan go to such extremes, to not include his family in his plans. There was a part of her that regretted not asking him outright, and there was a part of her that never wanted to know.

She knew it had something to do with Helena, just as she knew Helena was the reason for Nikolas being in the hospital. Did Helena send Stefan away, immobile and on the brink of death? No, she was so positive he really was dead. The only explanation Alexis could come up with was too awful to contemplate. Stefan had faked his own death, had kept himself dead. He had kept himself away from the people who loved and needed him. On purpose.

Alexis shuddered at the thought. She bent at the waist, resting her head on her lap. She had been crying for so long that her eyes were rimmed in red and her cheeks numb and chapped. She was exhausted. She let her eyes fall shut, and just as sleep consumed her, a shallow breath that was not her own startled her awake.

She looked up and squared her eyes, trying to see through her tears. "Nikolas?"

His eyes fluttered open. His dry, pale lips quivered but he couldn't speak. Nikolas winced when he tried to lift his head from the pillow. He was startled by all of the tubes and machines surrounding him. He looked at Alexis.

She leaned toward him, holding a palm to his cheek. Her other hand gripped his arm. "It's okay, Nikolas," she told him. "You're okay. Do you know what happened to you?"

Nikolas nodded. He waited until Alexis sat down again, gripping his hand inside hers. "I was on the docks," he said in a scratchy voice, the words leaving his mouth with great difficulty. "I was arguing with Helena. She didn't push me."

"She didn't?"

"No," he told her, closing his eyes. It was too much of an effort to keep them open. He just needed to feel Alexis holding onto him, knowing he wasn't alone. "Someone hit me. I fell. I never saw, Alexis."

She squeezed his hand. "Okay. It's okay." She smoothed a hand over his forehead, through his hair. Alexis smiled and wiped at the single tear that slid down her cheek. "I'm so happy," she told him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. I knew you would be okay." She swallowed hard, wanting to tell him about Stefan but knowing she shouldn't. Not yet. She stood up and called for the doctor, standing in the corner of the room as they examined him. She listened to their prognosis, thankful and relieved.

Nikolas sighed when the door to his room shut, and he was once again alone with Alexis. He held his arm up as much as he could. He wiggled his fingers until she came to him, pulling her chair as close to the edge of his bed as she could. She held his hand, placing intricate kisses over his knuckles. "I love you, Nikolas," she told him, smiling.

He nodded. "I love you, too. You were here the whole time?"

"Yes. As soon as I heard."

"Thank you."

Alexis shrugged. "That's how it should be. We're family." She took a deep breath, forcing herself not to cry. Not to lose control. "You know how important you are to me, right? I feel like I don't tell you that enough."

"I know," he admitted with a smile.

"Good," she nodded. "I just want you to know that I'd never leave you alone. You've been abandoned by so many people, so many times, Nikolas. I'll never do that."

He sensed there was something more behind her words, something more than a declaration of love. Nikolas brought her hands to his lips. "I know, Alexis."

~*~

The razors and the dying roses
Plead I don't leave you alone
The demi-gods and hungry ghosts
Oh, God knows I'm not at home

When she was a child, even though she knew very well where he was, Alexis used to search the island for hours to find Stefan. She would run up and down the hills, breathless and wiping at the beads of sweat on her forehead. She searched for Stefan in such a dramatic fashion so that when she found him sitting on the rocks overlooking the ocean or scrubbing the horses in the stable, it would be a revelation. A sigh of relief. A celebration. She had a reason to leap into his arms, playfully jump onto his back.

Alexis knew he had probably given up on hiding himself at this point. He had probably retreated to Wyndemere, to roam the gardens or plaster himself to a stiff backed chair that made him feel regal. That made him feel like himself years ago, when ruling over the family was important and he was dedicated to it.

She hadn't been inside Wyndemere very often since his apparent death. It had never felt like home, and it felt even less comfortable after Stefan was gone. He had been what kept her there, what bonded her to the family and their legacy. Nikolas didn't care about towering mansions and summer cottages. He was content with his own house, something that wasn't a symbol of his family and his last name.

Alexis found him in the garden where the ground was frozen and a tangled mass of weeds covered the muddy earth. She still had to blink her eyes, make sure he was real. The moon poured a white light on the grounds and on Stefan, and he was so illuminated that she began to think he was still gone. He was still nothing but a vision. But when she saw his shoulders rising and falling with each gentle breath, Alexis knew he was real. Flesh and blood. Her flesh and blood.

"Nikolas is fine," she called out, announcing her presence.

He was startled by her voice. Stefan released a deep breath and slowly turned to face her, unable to do anything but smile. He had forgotten just how beautiful she was. He was beginning to wonder how he survived all those months without seeing her face and hearing her voice. "Good," he sighed, relieved.

"I didn't say anything to him. Yet. He's been through so much."

"Of course. And I want to thank you, Alexis, for standing by him." Stefan took a step toward her. He watched her face carefully for signs of anger or understanding.

Alexis nodded. "Well, we really needed each other."

The words stabbed him. Stefan clasped his hands together, holding them against his chest. He dipped his head to the ground. He couldn't look into her eyes and know that he was the cause of her sorrow, the hardness he saw there. He started to apologize, but even though his lips were moving, there was no sound. He knew there were not enough words to make it up to her, or to even explain what he had done.

"Are you hoping I'll just ignore the big elephant in the room? Do you actually think I'm not going to demand an explanation for where you've been and why everyone thought you were dead?" Alexis moved so close to him that he could feel her breath beating against his face, warming him as the cool air whipped around them.

He shook his head. "I do not expect that, no."

"You have to say something! You have to tell me why I spent the last few months thinking I would never see my brother again, and that I would never be able to tell him just how much he means to me. You have to tell me why Nikolas felt so lost and out of place because he thought the only father he ever knew was gone forever. Say something!" She reached out, pounding a fist against his chest.

All he could do was take her abuse. Stefan flinched as her knuckles connected with his chest. He shut his eyes and listened to her crying; dry, heaving sobs. He opened his eyes and curled his fingers around her wrists, holding her hands still against his chest. "You don't want to hear what I have to say."

"Let me decide that! You owe me that much." She wretched her hands from his grasp, raking her fingers through her already disheveled hair. She moved away from him. Alexis pulled her coat closed and hugged her arms around her chest.

Stefan nodded. His arms felt like lead, unable to reach out and hold her. He clasped his hands behind his back. "You want to hear-"

"Yes," she spat. "I want to hear the truth. All of it. I don't care how much it hurts."

"Alright." He swallowed hard. Stefan knew he had no one to blame but himself, and that almost made it more difficult to go on. "Helena has been a constant source of pain in our lives, Alexis. I could sense, more and more every day, that she was going to strike again. Over and over. I was worried about you and Nikolas. I knew that she was after Chloe Morgan. I knew that she wanted to eliminate me once and for all, and take control of Nikolas. I devised a plan."

Alexis looked up at him suddenly. "A plan?"

He nodded. "I was able to bribe Andreas to help me. While Helena thought she was murdering me, she was only disabling me temporarily. Andreas helped me to escape. I knew what was happening in Port Charles, with Luke. I knew about Chloe's dreams. I found a way to get her to the island so that I could benefit from her-"

"Chloe! Chloe was with you?" Alexis' voice died into a broken whisper. Her body began to quake, tears falling freely from her glassy eyes. "I can't believe this."

"I thought that I could benefit from her dreams. Use them against Helena. After a while it became apparent that I was putting Chloe's health at risk and I could not allow that to happen. Just when I was deciding how to come home, Chloe had a vision of Nikolas arguing with Helena. I was worried. I knew that I was needed here immediately."

Alexis covered her face with her hands. She took several deep breaths, trying to stop her tears for just a moment. For long enough to look at him and tell him how she felt. But when she dropped her arms to her sides, she could do nothing but cry.

He moved toward her with caution. "I know that I have betrayed you and Nikolas in the worst way possible. Can you please forgive me? Can you please be grateful that I am alive and... we can help each other find a way to move on?"

"Stefan. I just got used to the idea of you being gone." Alexis extended her arm toward him. The pads of her fingers brushed over his cheek, smearing his tears. Her breath hitched. She couldn't look at him. All she could do was cry, and it was too much. She pulled away from him and turned around, her body disappearing into the foggy night sky as she ran from him.

~*~

He hadn't been expecting to find Nikolas awake. Stefan took a step back when their eyes caught, but when a tear slowly rolled down Nikolas' cheek and a smile twitched on his chapped lips, he crossed the floor and dropped onto his knees beside the bed. Stefan's arms were draped over Nikolas' lap, and the younger man swept his fingers through his uncle's hair.

"I missed you," Nikolas choked out, his throat still sore.

Stefan looked up. He stood and then sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to crush Nikolas. "I missed you. God, I missed you!" They simply held each other, feeling each other breath.

"Alexis... she told me."

A panic stirred inside of Stefan, his stomach turning. "She told you?"

"She wanted to prepare me," he said, holding Stefan's hand tightly inside his. "She said I'm too weak for that kind of shock. But I... it would have..."

"It's okay," Stefan sighed, reaching out to cup his hand to Nikolas' cheek. He knew that he was almost too weak to speak. "You don't have to say anything right now. We have all the time in the world to talk. I'm here, and you're going to be just fine. I promise."

Nikolas nodded. He sank down on the bed, letting the pillows cushion his head. He smiled as Stefan reached for a glass of water and helped him drink. He wondered how after being apart from someone for so long, it was possible to settle back into such an easy rapport? He wondered how their connection could be so strong, and yet he hadn't been able to trust his instincts and know that Stefan was alive? "I'm sorry I didn't come looking for you."

"What?" Stefan held his hands against Nikolas' shoulders. "Don't do that, Nikolas. Do not blame yourself."

"Okay." He closed his eyes, his body heavy with sleep. His voice fading, Nikolas asked, "Alexis? Where is she?"

Stefan cleared his throat, shifting nervously on the bed. He brushed his fingers through Nikolas' hair and told him in a whisper, "Your aunt is a little angry with me."

"Why?" Nikolas' eyes opened suddenly, confused.

Stefan bit his lip. He looked down, unable to face Nikolas. "She has good reason to be angry with me. We'll talk about it later."

Nikolas was in no mood to argue. He nodded and let his eyes fall shut again. He could feel that his uncle was in pain, suffering from being away from his family for so long and from whatever problems had occurred with Alexis. He took hold of Stefan's hand and told him, "She will come around, Uncle. You are too much a part of her. She wasn't fully alive without you."

Stefan nodded. He mouthed the words, "Thank you," and bent down to press a kiss against Nikolas' forehead.

~*~

I'll never find someone quite like you again
I'll never find someone quite like you again

Part of Stefan had been hoping that when he woke in the morning everything would be fixed. He knew it was a childish fantasy, but entertaining the thought gave him hope. That was what he needed.

He set out to find Alexis early even though he knew she wouldn't speak to him, and he would have to settle for watching her from afar. Stefan found himself lurking in the shadows like a ghost. Every so often he would have to stop and drag his hands down his face, blow a stream of breath into his hands. He had to make sure he really was alive. When he caught his reflection in the window of a shop or restaurant, it started even him.

He heard her voice and stopped. Stefan stood above the docks, hiding under the overhang of a small cafe. He could tell by the way Alexis was moving that she was angry. Tense. His expression soured when he heard Ned's voice soon overlapping hers.

"Alexis, please," Ned pleaded with her. "We are getting married. Soon. If you can't even stand to discuss flowers and churches... then what are we doing?"

She covered her face with her hands, groaning. Alexis bit the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming. After a long moment of silence, she dropped her arms to her sides and looked into Ned's eyes. "I'm sorry, Ned. I'm sorry that you can't understand what's happening right now." He looked at her blankly. She clenched her teeth and released a flustered breath. "Okay, let me explain in a way that you can understand. My brother just came back from the dead, for Christ's sake! I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms, but I can't even look at him right now. My nephew almost drowned last night. If flowers and seating arrangements aren't on the top of my to-do list, I'm really sorry. Deal with it!"

Ned swallowed hard and found himself taking a step away from her. He clenched his hands into fists. He nodded and then shook his head, at a loss for words. His eyes began to well with tears and he pressed his fists roughly against his eyes. "Okay," he finally said, the word more of a ragged breath. "I apologize. You see, Alexis. I was thinking that maybe I could distract you. That maybe I could make you feel better by taking your mind off Stefan and putting it on something brighter, like our wedding. I guess I was wrong." He turned.

"Ned, wait," she called after him, reaching out to grab the back of his coat. She raked her fingers through her hair and ground her foot into the hard floor of the docks. "Dammit! This is... damn! I do need you. Just because I can't think about our wedding right now doesn't mean I'm trying to get rid of you, Ned. Please. Just please understand."

"I want to, Alexis. I do."

She took hold of his hand. She tilted her head to the side, looking into his eyes. Alexis trembled as a memory struck her. She closed her eyes and remembered a visit from Stefan when she had just moved to New York, so young and naive. He told her to never settle. He told her to never give herself to someone that didn't deserve her, that wasn't her perfect equal. When Alexis opened her eyes, Ned's hand slipped from hers. Or she dropped it. She wasn't sure."Ned," she whispered hoarsely.

"What?"

"I think I need some time alone."

He didn't want to agree. Ned folded his arms across his chest and nodded slowly. "Alright. Call me later?"

"Yeah, of course."

Without touching her, he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek. It bothered him, the way she hardly had a reaction. He smiled to ease the tension and slowly backed away from her, eventually turning and walking away.

Alexis released a breath she had been holding in. She bent her knees and fell onto a bench, resting her elbows on her knees. She held her face in her hands and shook her head. She was so glad to have Stefan back, but part of her couldn't help but wonder if things would be different with Ned were he still gone? She trembled at the thought. She needed her brother, and she did love Ned. But her lover's touch was suddenly not so powerful, not so profound. And that scared her more than anything.

~*~

He had been waiting for two hours, and Alexis was never late. Zander's tired eyes focused on the door when he heard the knob turn. He sighed, finally able to breathe, when his lawyer walked inside and right to the table where they conducted all of their conversations. "Hey," he greeted her, sweeping his fingers through his hair. "I was hoping you didn't forget about me."

Alexis offered him a half smile, the corners of her lips barely lifting. She fell limply onto the chair across from him. Zander leaned forward, examining the dark, puffy patches of skin under her eyes. He noticed that her skin had never been so pale. She was folding and unfolding her hands, nervously fidgeting with the ring around her finger. "We should get started," she finally said.

Zander nodded. He cautiously slid his hand across the table until it was covering hers. "Are you alright, Ms. Davis?"

"Hmm?" Alexis cleared her throat. She yanked her hand away and started shuffling through her briefcase, having no idea what she was looking for. "We should talk about bail."

"Bail?" Zander sat up, almost circling around the table until he remembered that his handcuffs only allowed him to move so far. "Ms. Davis? Alexis?"

She looked up. "What?"

He released a quick, nervous breath and told her, "There is no bail to discuss. My trial is in two days. We are supposed to go over my testimony." Zander held a hand to his mouth when he saw the way her entire body seemed to crumble. "What's wrong? Did something happen? Is it about why you left so suddenly yesterday?"

Alexis propped her elbows on the table and held her face in her hands. She didn't cry; she couldn't anymore. "I'm so sorry, Zander," she told him, dropping her hands. She flattened her palms on the table and leaned forward. "My nephew, Nikolas... he was hurt last night. He's okay now. But something else happened too, and I'm a little distracted." She sniffled and cleared her throat, trying to calm herself. "Okay. Let's get started."

"No."

"What?"

Zander shook his head. "No. Not yet. You're upset and you're not focused. This is my future we're talking about. I'm not planning strategy and going over testimony with you until you can-"

"I'm so sorry, Zander. It's alright. I know how to keep my personal problems out of a case. Let's get started."

He shook his head again. "No, Ms. Davis. We still have tomorrow. If there's someplace you need to be or something you need to be doing, then please... go. I'm not angry with you, really. I just want to make sure you're at your best and that you're okay."

Alexis smiled and found herself reaching forward to clasp his hand tightly inside hers. "Remember when I told you about my brother?" Zander nodded. "Yesterday I got quite a shock. He's not dead. He's alive."

"What?"

"Yeah. I guess I shouldn't be so shocked because in my family, anything is possible. But in a very ironic, twisted way, my brother being alive is a huge betrayal. I can't explain it."

Zander squinted, confused. "So you're not happy about it?"

"Oh, God... I'm overjoyed. Really." She laughed, knowing that her appearance betrayed her words. "I am happy, Zander," Alexis told him. "I love him. I'm just having a hard time sorting everything out."

"I see. Well, I don't really understand what's going on, but I do know one thing."

Alexis leaned back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest. "What's that?"

"If I found the other half of my soul, I wouldn't be sitting in an interrogation room with you."

Alexis met his gaze, matching his smile. She closed her eyes when she felt them fill with moisture again, blinking back the tears. She pushed papers back into her briefcase and stood up. She circled around the table, ignoring the way the guard moved toward them. She slipped her fingers through Zander's hair and pressed a motherly kiss to his forehead. Alexis whispered, "Thank you." She walked to the door and called out to him as she left, "I'll see you tomorrow. Everything will be fine."

~*~

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