Part X
She was dreaming. Images of men and women dancing under pale light filled her head. Behind closed eyes, Alexis saw tables set with red roses and glasses of wine. She saw a sleek ballroom floor, black leather shoes and pointed heels gliding along the cherry colored wood. There was a band playing on a stage, classical instruments blending together with more modern music.
As Alexis' eyes fluttered open, the beat of the drum became more real and closer to her ear. She could even feel it vibrating against her cheek. It took her a moment to realize it was the gentle rhythm of Luke Spencer's heart.
Alexis opened her eyes completely, not giving herself time to adjust to the bright light that filtered through the blinds. She found herself unable to move, one of her arms caught beneath his body. Her other arm was draped over his stomach. She moved her eyes up to see his chin resting just above her head. The sheets were sticky and tangled around their bodies, holding them together in an erotic pose. It would have been beautiful, she thought, if she wasn't so confused.
She sat up and tugged her arm out from under Luke's back. She reached for the blanket that had been tossed on the floor through the course of the evening. Alexis wrapped it around her body. She bent down to retrieve her clothes, strewn all over the floor. She tripped to the bathroom and shut the door tightly. She leaned against the wall, a hand clasped over her mouth. When she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she could taste and smell him on her hand. She knew his touch was all over her body.
Alexis let the blanket drop and pool around her ankles. She stepped into the shower and turned the water on, a spray of warm liquid pouring down on her. She turned around and let the water saturate her hair and trickle down her arms, to her stomach and down her legs. She grabbed a bar of soap from the dish and began rubbing it with force over her entire body. The lather covered her skin and the harsh sandalwood scent began to burn her eyes. Alexis cursed under her breath when she realized why the fragrance was so appealing and yet not what she wanted; it was the scent she found lingering on Luke's skin every time she was close enough to breathe it in.
Standing under the spout, Alexis let the water cleanse her skin. She scrubbed her arms and every inch of her body as the lather was washed away. She extended her arms, pressing her palms against the wall in front of her. Her head bowed to the shower floor, Alexis watched the suds disappear down the drain. She tried to concentrate on the shape of the swirl, the slight color to the bubbles as the pale overhead light stuck the slippery floor. But all she could see was herself in Luke's arms, moving against him and welcoming his touch. All she could feel was his hands, so careful and determined, covering every inch of her flesh. She had wanted him, needed him. And it had been mutual. There was nothing dangerous or careless about last night, she thought. And that was what scared Alexis more than anything.
~*~
Luke woke suddenly. He sat straight up, patting the area beside him. It was still warm from her body, and he could almost feel the weight of her arm draped over his stomach. He swept his fingers through his short hair, groaning quietly. But then Luke heard the quiet sound of the shower and saw the slant of light between the carpet and the bathroom door.
For a moment he considered climbing out of bed and joining her. It was something husbands and wives did in the morning, a way that lovers surprised each other. But he wasn't married to Alexis and he never considered her a lover. But after what they shared last night, Luke was finding it hard to think of her as anything else.
He rolled onto his side, gathering the sheet in his arms and clutching it to his chest. It smelt of her; the rarest flowers, the ocean sweeping over the sand, the sky just before it erupts into a rainstorm. Luke couldn't remember the last time he had felt this way about a woman. The last time he wanted to stay in bed all day, wrapped in each other's arms. He couldn't believe how tender the night had been. He couldn't believe there had been no bruises, no harsh words, no alcohol blurring their judgement. Up until that point, they had just been having sex. Screwing. Fucking each other. But no matter how he tried to push the thought to the back of his head, last night had been so much more than that.
When he heard the shower turn off and the sound of Alexis' clothes rustling, he laid back down and threw the sheet over his body. Luke shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He was tempted to "wake" when the bathroom door crept open, but he couldn't.
Alexis padded quietly across the room. She slipped into her shoes and stood at the edge of the bed. She felt the urge to climb onto the mattress, slide next to him and shape her body against his. But fear won over her desire for him, and she released a sharp breath before turning for the door.
~*~
He could smell his Aunt Ruby's breakfast. At first, Lucky thought he was dreaming. Thought he had died in his sleep and gone to heaven. But the more he adjusted to being awake, the more he was sure it was real. He could hear the sizzle of bacon just slapped onto a plate. He could smell cinnamon sprinkled onto two fluffy pieces of bread. He could almost hear orange juice splashing into a tall glass and a spoon scraping the bottom of a pan as eggs were stirred.
When the door opened and Andreas stood before him, a large brown bag in his hand, Lucky realized he had quite a vivid imagination. "Madame thought you might enjoy a breakfast from Kelley's this morning," he told Lucky, carrying the bag to the bed. "Eggs, bacon, toast."
"Thanks," Lucky said groggily, yawning as he accepted the bag. Opening the bag and being assaulted by the delicious scent was almost as good as smelling the food while it was being cooked.
Andreas held another bag and tossed it's contents onto the bed. Magazines, books and a newspaper cluttered the mattress. "These are also for you, Master Spencer," he said plainly, rocking on the balls of his feet as though he couldn't wait to leave the room.
"Thanks," Lucky said again, the word muffled as he tore into a thick piece of bacon. He wondered for a moment if Tammy had fried the food, and if Elizabeth was the one to place it in the containers?
After he heard the door click shut, Lucky reached for the newspaper and settled against the backboard. He continued to eat while his eyes scanned the headlines. He nearly choked on a bite of toast when he read, "Stefan Cassadine arrested for attempted murder." He tossed his legs over the side of the bed and barely noticed how the food crashed to the floor. He stormed into the hall, his unkempt hair trembling as he ran with speed until he found Helena sitting at her breakfast table.
Her demure smile faded quickly. She regarded Lucky for a long moment, taking in the sight of his smooth, bare chest and his soulful blue eyes. He was growing into the man she had in mind, she thought. "What is it, Lucky?" Helena finally asked.
Lucky shook the paper. "This," he said, grinding his teeth. "You can't do this. You can't let someone else take the blame for what you told me to do."
"Why does it matter to you, Lucky?" Helena asked, the tone of her voice growing cold and loud. "I never realized how fond you are of my son. Or is it Alexis you are so worried about?"
He glared at her, his eyes angry slants. Lucky shook his head. "I don't give a shit about Alexis Davis," he spat, his stomach turning as he heard himself tell a lie. He took pleasure in the way Helena flinched at his harsh language, and tried to control the urge to admit that he is concerned for Alexis and her brother. "I just don't understand why other people have to take the blame for what I did!"
"Because," she began, standing in front of him. Helena curled her fingers around his upper arms. "You have been taking the blame for everyone else's mistakes your whole life. You have had to pay for the mistakes of your parents, Lucky. I admire how compassionate you are. So compassionate that you would take Stefan's place in that jail cell. But there is no need."
"I just-"
Helena shook her head and tightened her grip on his arms. "Trust me, Lucky. Trust that I know what is best for you and for my family. Do you remember how I rescued you from Faison?" He nodded, and she smiled. "Do you remember how I opened you up to the life that you should have always had?"
"Yes," Lucky sputtered. He dropped his chin to his chest, but Helena's cold hands framed his face and forced him to meet her steel eyes. "Yes," he said more clearly. He allowed her to press a kiss against the bridge of his nose. He did not recoil when she slipped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a firm embrace.
~*~
Nikolas shuddered as his eyes roamed the gray, cold room. He could feel his eyes growing sore, his heart heavy, the more he sat inside the tight, drab walls. It surprised him how much this bothered him, considering that visiting Stefan in prison was not a new experience. He couldn't help but think that this time was not just an inconvenience. That it would become a regular part of his days.
His attention was taken from the color and shape of the room when the door creaked open. Stefan smiled, holding his head high. He sat down across from Nikolas, reaching his hands across the table as far as the cuffs would allow him. He felt tears sting his eyes when Nikolas' hands fell over his. "How are you?"
Nikolas shrugged. It was a gesture he knew his uncle hated, but it seemed to capture everything he was feeling. "How are you?"
"Better now that you are here. Have you heard from Alexis?" Stefan asked, shifting in the hard chair.
"No," Nikolas shook his head. "But... well, Helena tried to get into Wyndemere the other day. The guards were successful in keeping her out."
Stefan clenched his hands into fists. "You must stay away from her. She has some kind of master plan to ruin this family and take control of your life."
"How? We're stronger than her, Stefan."
"Yes," he agreed. "But look how far she has already gone. She tried to kill Alexis. And now I am in prison for the crime, unable to protect you. How your brother comes into play, I cannot understand that part of her plan. But you must promise to stay away from her."
Nikolas nodded. "Of course. Do you think you'll be able to go home soon?" The silence that penetrated the air was the only answer Nikolas needed.
~*~
She knew walking through the park and stopping for coffee had not been the best idea, but Alexis wasn't ready to go home yet. She needed more time alone with her thoughts, and yet that was the last thing she wanted. Thoughts of Stefan and arranging his bail did battle with thoughts of Luke. She took a deep breath and turned in the direction of the Port Charles Hotel.
Alexis pushed through the heavy doors, a wave of cool air assaulting her warm body. She shivered and kept her eyes focused on the elevator, swiftly moving through the lobby.
The ride to the penthouse was not as long as Alexis had remembered. She almost ignored the open doors, staying on for another ride. But she had to face her life at some point. It was inevitable.
Alexis didn't need to fumble through her purse for the key. The doorknob turned easily in her hand. She slipped inside and glanced around the room, puzzled. It was dark as night; the shades were drawn and the only light was a tiny lamp beside one of the couches. She tossed her purse onto the desk, shrugging her jacket from her arms and tossing it over a chair. Before she had time to realize how long it had been since she spoke to Jax, she heard his gruff voice calling her name.
"Alexis," he shouted, out of breath. "Alexis." Jax appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing the same pants and shirt he had been wearing the previous morning. The ends of the shirt were untucked, and the top buttons unclasped. The pants were wrinkled and a coffee stain tarnished the right knee. A patch of hair covered his chin and upper lip. She had never seen his hair so unkempt. "Are you okay?"
She nodded, taken aback when his arms circled around her waist. "I'm fine, Jax," she said, not meaning to push him away.
Jax raked his fingers through his hair, blowing a stream of air through his clenched teeth. "I was worried about you."
"Why? I'm fine." Alexis swallowed hard, focusing on the dark circles under his usually vibrant eyes. She offered a slight smile and asked, "You were up all night?"
He nodded, his lips pursed. After a long pause, Jax told her, "All night. From the time I got home yesterday afternoon until right now, I had no idea what happened to you. I saw the paper this morning... about Stefan. I was afraid... I thought you'd call. I went to the PCPD and you weren't there."
"No." Alexis fought her exhaustion to come up with a realistic approach. But she was tired of lying. She simply shook her head and left it at "no." She took a step closer to him, kicking her shoes away from her feet on the way. "I'm sorry I didn't call or leave a message. I was so busy and worried about Stefan. In fact, I really need to take care of a few things right now."
Jax nodded. "Okay, but, Alexis..."
"Yes?"
He took her hand, gently pulling her toward the couch. Once she had taken a seat, Jax crossed the floor and pulled the curtains open. Alexis winced as the harsh sunlight streamed into the room. She smiled when Jax sat beside her.
"I know you're going through a difficult time. The last thing I want is to create even more stress in your life. I don't want to sound... it's just..." His voice trailed off, a pale blush coloring his cheeks. Jax dropped his chin to his chest, fixing his eyes on his knees. Focusing on the tiny blue thread that had fallen from the frayed collar of his shirt. His head snapped up when he felt her fingers graze his thigh.
Alexis wasn't even aware of how her fingers were pressing into his thigh, rubbing over the fabric of his pants. She wasn't aware of the way her touch made Jax's eyes water and his voice tremble when he tried to talk. "What?" She finally spoke, and the simple question seemed so much more complicated than it really was.
"I feel so stupid," he admitted, shaking his head. "But I thought you'd call me, somehow, after... I left those gifts this morning."
She brought a hand to her mouth, ashamed of herself. Alexis gasped softly. "I'm so sorry, Jax. After what happened with Stefan, everything else just slipped my mind." She moved closer to him, rising onto her knees. She draped her hands over his legs, her gaze forcing him to meet her eyes. "I really appreciated them," she spoke softly. "I needed a wonderful surprise like that. But I didn't deserve them."
"You do."
She shook her head. The truths she had been keeping from Jax for so long were dying to be revealed. Alexis felt a lump in her throat, denying her breath. Her stomach tied itself into a knot. She felt her skin burning, her eyes stinging. "Jax."
His eyes widened. He saw a flicker of something in her eyes; sadness, desperation, desire or maybe shame. Jax wasn't sure, but he knew that he could no longer swallow his words around her. He couldn't stand to be so careful and avoid the truth anymore. He nodded, giving her his full attention.
Alexis gulped, nervous and afraid. She looked down at her hands, her hair falling over her shoulders and hiding her face. "I have to tell you something."
He released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Jax hoped she didn't hear the relief that escaped his mouth, the hopefulness. He clasped her trembling hands inside of his and said, "Wait, Alexis. I've been waiting... hoping to hear you say-"
She reached up, pressing two slender fingers over his open mouth. She flinched when his eyes fluttered shut and the color seamed to disappear from his cheeks. Alexis shook her head and swallowed a ragged breath. "Please, don't," she finally spoke, biting her lower lip.
Jax's lips moved and a quiet rumble escaped from deep inside his throat. It was such a desperate, sad sound that he hardly recognized it as his own voice. He tried to speak, tried to form words. But all he could do was stare at her, his tongue too thick for his mouth and his throat so dry his breath was like knives coming in and out.
"I know what you're going to say. And I love you too much to allow that, Jax."
He sighed, exhaling sharply. "I love you, Alexis. More and more each day."
Her chin fell to her chest, defeated and sorry. Alexis closed her eyes and felt pools of tears forming behind the closed lids. When she looked up, he had leaned back against the seat. He had cowered away from her, arms folded around his stomach. "You are my best friend. You are the perfect man. I should be committed for not wanting... but, Jax. I need you as my friend," Alexis tried her best to explain her feelings, but her words were slurred as tears fell down her cheeks and over her moving lips. Her hands shook and her chest tightened when she saw the pain etched across Jax's face, the pain she was causing. "I've never had a friend like you. Ever. I've never had someone to talk to about the tiniest things, or the biggest dilemmas. Someone who will put me in my place and then let me cry on their shoulder. I can't sacrifice that. Not for anything."
Jax cleared his throat. He moved toward her, then recoiled. He repeated the gesture several times, his mouth opening and closing, before he finally found the courage to speak. "I'm not about to force you to feel anything, Alexis. But isn't it possible that... are you just trying to protect me?"
His answer was the way her lips quivered, the way her eyes became so full of shame and self-loathing. "No," she said, the most weak sound her mouth had ever created. "I don't want to hurt you. That's why I can't pretend to feel something I don't. But, Jax... I won't be able to stand it if you hate me."
He stood up, his face blank. Jax stood beside her, his hand falling against the top of his head. His fingers slowly brushed through her hair, stopping to gather the silky strands in his fist. He bent down and placed a brisk kiss against her forehead. "I don't hate you," he whispered, broken. He offered her a half smile and walked away, holding his head high to hide the tears welling in his eyes.